Monday 25 February 2008

Predict Monday's LiveLine.

"Izza dizgrace Joe"

"Sure sure"

"I mean, all the yoooo-rows wasted on bleedin tribunals ta find out how much Bertie won on a bleedin scratchcard in April 1993 an all da, who cares?"

"Do you not think the public have a right to know?"

"Right to know? It's been years, we'll never know. And anyway, my point is this; milions of yoooo-rows on tribunal that could be invested in the yooot."

"The youth?"

"Yeah. In music. That way we could send a decent act to the yoooo-row vision. Izza disgrace. Or we could use the millions to get that Glen Hansom fella. He did well."

"He did."

"I mean how come we can spend millions and millions makin' films like that one da did well there last night and not on the music that represents us in the wurld?"


On another note, fair play to The Scotsman for giving us the benefit of doubt.

CONGRATULATIONS to Ireland in choosing as its submission for this year's Eurovision Song Contest a grotesque puppet turkey called Dustin, whose gobbled rendition of Irelande Douze Points is set to ruffle official feathers.
Critics may see it as an act of insulting ingratitude to those millions across Europe who have so often over the years voted the Irish submission the winner that the country has grown weary of hosting the competition.

But it is, of course, as we would expect from Ireland, a more profound existential statement about the meaning of popular music – or the lack of it. In this regard it marks the first truly post-modernist submission for the contest. As such, it deserves equal treatment to those maniacally cavorting bands whose meaningless librettos have reduced the contest to farce long before the arrival of Dustin the Turkey.

Who would have batted an eyelid had Dustin been submitted to the Tate Modern as a contemporary work of sculpture? It would have probably won a prize, and tucked itself into Tracey Emin's unmade bed for good measure.

Dustin the Turkey may well end up knocking the stuffing out of the competition. But we have cause enough to celebrate the entry as the most original Eurovision Song Contest act in years. All it awaits is hearty approval from Terry Wogan.

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